Welcome to hell.
The Media has apparently issued a statement of apology for what it calls “distorting factual evidence to create ratings.”
According to sources, The Media “is very sorry for not relaying practical and informative stories to everyone, and for blowing things way out of proportion.”
Many experts are quite shocked by this. Ron Taugher, a professor of Media Studies at the University of Texas - Austin, didn’t realize that this was a problem. ”Honestly, I really thought that it was important that we all sit down together and really discuss what it means to place gun targets on a campaign poster and how it relates to a shooting in Arizona, with The Media there to facilitate the discussion and guide us into making informed decisions. Because it’s no coincidence that Palin placed a target on Giffords, right? That’s what The Media says, anyway.”
Joe Wulper, a janitor in the building where Hallfred works, was saddened by the news, “Wait, now I have to form my own opinions based on a set of actual events. I have to choose my own identity? Ah crap!”
The Media claims that “all news networks will now provide only news. We will not have debates or try to offer opinions on things. Only news that is actually beneficial for people to know will be reported. Oh, and The Daily Show’s fine, because they’re satire. At least they’re supposed to be.”
In a related story, Choose Your Own Adventure books have had record sales since the announcement. Many claim that they are using them for practice.
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